Weekend of Food Debauchery Pt. II: Birthday Edition

 Morning of...

Jay's Coffee, Tea & Treats

 1414 Encinal Ave
Alameda, CA 94501

The best thing about Jay's could be the fact that they open at the near crack o'dawn (6 AM), which was when we (myself and the birthday girl) found ourselves here after an early morning gym run; muscles depleted, demanding glycogen in the form of a toasted bagel, protein in the form of a nicely microwaved egg, and fat in the form of a hydrogenated vegetable oil-powdered milk emulsification molded into a solid, white brick and sliced for human consumption...I mean American cheese. 

 If nothing else, it really hit the spot, tasting pretty much exactly as described, with the only "flare" being black pepper in the eggs and butter/margarine on the bagel, as rightfully expected from a coffeeshop breakfast sandwich.  It could have just been the post-run endorphins talking, or the fact my total bad/mediocre bagel abstinence program had run me into "need bagel please you bagel me now!" mode, but sitting there in the corner window seat, awash in the tepid morning light, it was perfect.  

 Ok, really?  I walked right into that one, it really was delicious.

Money shot: the inside of the accompanying strawberry croissant.  That's a completely untouched pic, by the way.  I'm pretty sure strawberry croissants in France don't look anything like this.  In fact, I'm pretty sure they look like this.  That being said, after accepting that this was really just a Pop-Tart posing as a croissant, it was easier to enjoy the cloying sweetness of the berry-flavored jelly encased in its cold, flaccid pastry shell.  Really.  A great way to start a birthday.

Fast-forward: 12 hours later.  For the record, there's nothing worse than working on your best friend's birthday.  Okay maybe working on your own birthday.  If there's one "life lesson" to take away here, it's if you can, take an hour off.  Just one hour that's yours to have on days like these.  You're not superhuman, and it's your damn birthday.

Evening of (the birthday dinner)...

El Caballo Mexican Wraps

1108 Lincoln Avenue
Alameda, CA 94501

El Caballo is a unique little spot in Alameda.  I'll just say this: it took a lot of coordination with one of the owners, Oscar, to get seven of us in there an hour and a half before closing.  He's great.  He's got this million-dollar smile and a mayoral quality; a real schmooze, you get the sense that he could talk you into trying anything, food-related or not.  But his generosity and willingness to accommodate a bunch of high-energy girls on a Friday night was unmatched, and won't soon be forgotten.

 Is that salt on my chips?  Yep, these are the best chips in Alameda.  Hands down.  Don't care what you have to say about La Penca.  Really don't.  In the freebie corn chip battle, salt beats any endless supply because in the end it's about flavor, and these are exponentially corny.

 The restaurant's cooks are all female, which is so awesome to see.  And their backgrounds have even made an impression on the menu as one of the week's featured specials was Salvadoran pupusas with curtido made to order and served with the traditional spicy tomato sauce.  Not only was it fresh, it was delicious.  And the first I've ever seen of the yellow variety in the Bay, which is more indicative of Panama.

Chicken tamal

Fish tacos with marinated, then grilled red snapper, whole beans, lettuce, pico de gallo, guacamole and a spicy chipotle aioli.  This was definitely more of a nod to the California-style fish taco than the Baja  original.  That being said it was lightyears better than I thought it would be as I have been conditioned to be immediately skeptical of anything with "chipotle aioli" mentioned in the description.

Enchiladas estilo casera - enchiladas made with corn tortillas that have been flash-fried and then submerged in a chile-spiked tomato sauce, filled with cheese and smothered in enchilada sauce.  As good as these were the first time, I don't think they were quite what the birthday girl was looking for.  The flavor and consistency of the sauce on top of everything was more akin to a mole than that of an enchilada sauce, and though folded the right way, it became difficult to discern the type of melty cheese that was so delicately encased inside.

The end to this monster of a meal was a piece of tres leches cake for the birthday girl and an assortment of gelatinas for everyone else.  This was where Oscar's hospitality really came into play as he was generous enough to allow me to bring in seven gelatinas and a piece of cake (all still in their plastic containers), refrigerate them, hold them, plate them, and sneak them out to us on cue so that we could keep birthday girl in the dark about the whole thing.  

And thanks to Oscar and the crew down at El Caballo, would you believe it actually worked?

A Weekend of Food Debauchery

Homeroom Racing Cafe

1305 Park St

Alameda, CA 94501 

Pad See Ew - stir-fried chowfun-style noodles with chicken, egg and chinese broccoli.

Never have I had noodles that were so clearly wok'd.  Hard to know whether how this compares to food in Thailand, but the dishes here continue to wow me, even when I think it can't get any better.  The food is complex to the n-th degree, and if you stay late into the night, when the crowds have tapered off, if you're lucky the shy but ever-gracious chef will come by with a tired smile, touch a hand to the back of your shoulder, make sure you're doing alright.

I've walked away from what seems like countless dinners at La Penca wondering, "What the hell did I just pay twenty dollars for?"  In contrast, I have walked away from almost every meal from here more than willing to pay more for what they've offered...probably shouldn't say that too loud.

 One of Homeroom Racing Cafe's greatest attributes is their condiments: a giant squeeze bottle of sweet chili sauce (which is ironically always half empty), pickled jalapeños, a shaker of white pepper, a dark, hellish looking liquid that tastes like a delicious cross between black vinegar and soy sauce with just a hint of fermented fish, and this stuff, dried red chilis toasted in a wok and then coarsely ground (pictured above).  The stuff brings a flavorful smokey aroma and then goes off like gunpowder on the tongue, a brilliant compliment to the Cafe's coconut milk and chicken soup.

 Good Luck Dim Sum 

736 Clement St

San Francisco, CA 94118

Malay Paste (Ma Lai Go) - I've got this strange obsession with Ma Lai Go.  I'm sort of a freak for this stuff.  I have absolutely no idea what it has to do with Malaysia, except that it's a popular street snack there.  There are two types that I've encountered on my quest for the best in the Bay: the super-eggy, Velveta yellow kind and the complex brown sugar type, which often has a more delicate crumb.  Good Luck's version turned out to be the latter, and a great version at that.  If there's one thing to take away from this sampling it's that these were some of the cleanest tasting dim sum items we've ever had.  The ingredients in play were concentrated and clear, not muddied with cheap filler as some dishes tend to be.

 Jin deui - fried sesame ball

 There are certain things you eat because they taste good.  The calories, the quality of the ingredients, the nutritional value, no.  Jin deui are these things.

 Char siu bao - steamed, yeasted ball o'white bread (though usually cut with lard, hubba-hubba!) filled with a tacky, sweet mix of onions and BBQ pork.  Ok maybe char siu bao you can feel a little better about eating.  Gotta have your protein.

 Part of the charm of Good Luck - the stonefaced woman seated at the first table, constructing box after box after box like some bad Darren Aronofsky flim.

 Escape From New York Pizza

1737 Haight Street

San Francisco, CA 94117

 East Coast sensibility with a West Coast attitude adjustment.

 Best god-damn pizza in SF thus far.

La Tortilla

495 Castro St
San Francisco, CA 94114

 Came all the way from across the city because the hankerings I get for the salmon burritos I used to get here manage to keep me up at night.  

Me: "Hey so the 'grilled fish burrito', that's still with salmon, right?"

Lady behind the counter: "No."

Me: "Oh...so what fish is it?"

LBTC: "Tilapia."

...

Me: "Ok but it used to be salmon, right?"

LBTC: "No."

...

Went ahead and ordered it anyway (pictured above).  In a nutshell: too crestfallen for anything other than that salmon burrito (that I apparently made up) to hit the spot.  Too little fish, too many beans, too bitter to care.

 The only thing I can't hate on, however, is their salsas bar.  The charred tomato will burn a hole right through your esophagus, but it's so good going down.  Not to mention their tomatillo-avocado, really easy to do badly, but done so righteously here.

QBAR

456 Castro Street
San Francisco, CA 94114

 Bourbon & Soda - Cape Cod

Shout out to Eric, our bartender - ripped like a gorilla and cute as a button, not easy to pull off.  Also love him for gifting me a great drink when he took, "Another bourbon and soda," for "A blueberi Stoli and soda."

 Castro Theater - photo credit Isaura Facundo

Unfortunately there also might have been some post-bar drunk-food that was so bad it's not even worth posting here.  Let's just say a pretty terrible mole tamal (that I can't even endorse despite being enamored by the location) and a giant buttermilk donut procured at a sketchy downtown donut shop some time around midnight (I think) go down like mother's milk when you're swaying on your feet.

Otaez Takes a Hit

Otaez Vs. La Penca Azul- Round I

-Beverages-

$4 "Beer of the month" - Pyramid Hefeweizen

($5 La Penca Azul Pale Ale)

Winner: Otaez

Can't comment on the Piña Colada as I didn't try it, but cute as hell.

-Atmosphere-

Mostly families towards the front, with the rowdy over-40 club just within earshot over at the bar.  

(La Penca Azul:  Sorry, WHAT?!!)

Winner: La Penca.  At Otaez it's just too easy to think you're going to run into your former gym teacher, or worse, that the woman cackling loudly at the bar is your mom.

 -Veggie Burrito- 
Less about the value, more about the burrito itself.  Strikes 1, 2 and 3: spinach tortilla not mentioned in description on menu, apparently hot pico de gallo counts as a "vegetable" here, cold unmelted cheese.

(La Penca: grilled vegetables in a flour tortilla with a *gag* whole wheat option marked clearly on the menu)

Winner: La Penca - but only by about a mile.

-Grilled chicken taco-

 Looks beautiful, but no comment.

-Cheese enchilada Mexicana-  

Strikes one and two: completely lifeless raw cabbage and Jack cheese instead of traditional Oaxaca or even Panera would have been nice.  Homeruns: incredibly garlicky red sauce drenching a beautifully flash fried corn tortilla, porky delicious refried beans.

(La Penca: flacid, soggy tortilla blanched in watery red sauce and filled with the same standard Jack).

Winner: Otaez.  Dining companion can be quoted as saying, "Best goddamn enchilada I've had in this country."

-Chips and salsa-

Chips: the chips definitely didn't have the same "just fried" temperature and texture as the chips from La Penca, but I'm counting the smaller portions and less frequent refills as a point for the joint.  

Salsa: while Otaez' is definitely thinner, what it lacks in body it more than makes up for in spice level and flavor.  The smoky background obviously comes from charred vegetables, I also think that it's made in smaller batches because there was just the slightest bit of inconsistency between the bowls that we got, which I loved.  Great citruisy highlights, very top heavy in terms of heat.

(La Penca: deep red, almost maroon-colored salsa made of charred onions and tomatoes, with a smooth chipotle background.  Thick, chunky and bottomless.)

Winner:  La Penca, can't get this stuff down fast enough.

La Penca wins this round 3/5.

It's all revelative...

On Saturday, a revelation.  After what felt like an endless quest for decent Mexican food in the East Bay.  After going out of our way (i.e. out from under the rock that is Alameda) late on a Thursday afternoon just for the chance to find something even vaguely familiar (from the Latin familiaris “of the household”).  Just trying to find something, anything that reminded her of home.  Having dead-ended here at Fruitvale's Cinco de Mayo festival:

 

[Pupusas, griddle fried corn patties filled with cheese, and curtido, the Salvadoran oregano-scented take on saur kraut]

[Argentine arepas, griddled pre-cooked corn cakes speckled with whole corn]

[Tamales de pollo from Tamales Doña Tere on Fruitvale Ave., steamed corn masa filled with chicken and wrapped in corn husks]

To think of all the time we wasted thinking the answer was somewhere out there, anywhere but here.  And then Saturday, a revelation.  Incredible homestyle Mexican right under our fucking noses, not two blocks from where we currently reside.  Here, in Alameda, the epicenter of over-Americanized ethnic foodspots, we discovered Mexican food that wasn't just some watered down, over-salted version of the real thing (I'm lookin' at you La Penca Azul).


We came to El Caballo Wraps to "try" the "street tacos", honestly thinking that this was going to be just another throw away meal that would again leave the bitter aftertaste of raw, unfiltered disappointment in our mouths.  What we got, instead, were the most picture perfect tacos callejeros (which didn't even make it into the photo reel because we scarfed them down so fast).  One de lengua, my go-to taco filling, and another de carne asada, Isaura's go-to and a great barometer for Mexican restaurants.  (If the carne asada is grey or looks it's been anything other than charred or crisped on the flattop - i.e. stewed or boiled, get the hell out outta dodge, son).  The lengua was fatty, crispy and beefy as all get-out, again exactly as it should always be, but isn't.  The asada was noticably grilled, as the term asada suggests, but the fact of the matter is that not every place comes through on this promise, which made this carne standout. But even at this stunning start, we longed to leave.  It was a Saturday night and we wanted to be out, to feel the hum of the city beneath our feet.  But it was cold and rainy anyway, so we decided to stay.  After regaling Oscar, the owner, with tales of our quest for comida casera, of our relief to have found something so sacred, he smiled widely, placing a hand to his heart, offering the most humble gracias.

He then offered us two free samples.  The first this gorgeous, glowing ember-colored tortilla soup.

And this super-fresh tomatillo-chile verde hybrid that I've never even seen before, topped with real crema Mexicana (like sour cream, only better), and queso cotija, a crumbly sheep's milk cheese, also known as feta's drier, saltier cousin.

Minds were officially blown, however, when the entrees arrived.

Rice and beans are also good barometers for Mexican restaurants as they are a mainstay, and both appeared in the grilled chicken burrito.  Both tasted like time.  Like someone had taken the time to brown the rice before adding house-made chicken stock (can't confirm that yet but sure as hell tasted like it).  Like someone had taken the time to caramelize the onions before cooking the beans slowly, over the course of the day.

Finally, the torta to end all tortas.  This one?  De asada.  Chipotle aioli, tomato, avocado, on Mexican telera.  'Nuff said.